Corrupted
by domineko
Summary: Um... My first peacemaker kurogane fic, satsu x okita, please read and review... thanks..


hi peeps... um, please forgive this fic, this is my first ever shot on peacemaker kurogane and i still think that i suck... please help me improve, kindly drop by to review the thing (please don't kill me, please don't kill me...)  
  
-----------------------------------------------  
  
Title: Corrupted  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, please don't sue me. They all belong to a Nanae Chrono and Gonzo Studios etc...  
  
-----------------------------------------------  
  
It was a dark and stormy night. The rain beat down heavily on the roof, half-drenching me as I stood outside the room. I don't know what the hell has gotten into me, but I'm standing here outside. Sneezing my head off. Alone. In the rain.  
  
As I've mentioned, I don't know what has gotten into me.  
  
I know I can't explain it, but I just felt a sudden urge to go out, as if I'm anticipating something. Waiting for something to come. And it did.  
  
A row of trudging, tired-looking samurai marched down the headquarters from the entrance, towards the barracks. Most have bloodied uniforms, some having a few injuries now and then. It was depressing to see soldier after soldier just walking down that path, just wanting to go to sleep, just wanting to forget. It was quite obvious to me now: there had been a fight during the rounds. I waited for each samurai to pass me by, not bothering to greet them, and them not paying attention to me. Finally, the flag bearer came, carrying the now almost tattered emblem of the group: Shinsengumi, first company.  
  
As soon as I saw the flag, I stood up. If this was the first company, then--  
  
'Tatsunosuke-san?' a soft voice inquired. I spun around and saw a short, gloomy figure behind me, drenched in rainwater and blood. His hair was dripping with the sickly brownish liquid that covered his entire sleeve, and his almost child-like and feminine face now wore weariness and gloom. I was quite surprised when I saw him -- I almost didn't recognize him.  
  
'Okita-san!' I exclaimed. And in a totally awkward and stupid and utterly useless flick of my tongue, I added. 'What happened?'  
  
Okita-san sighed deeply. He looked at me with his weak, almost drooping eyes, and then opened his mouth, as if he was about to say something. He stopped though, as if reconsidering his words, and changed his expression to his usual self, until, well...  
  
'Achooo!' I sneezed as he was about to say something. Okita-san broke into gentle laughter, and apparently, it never occured to either of us that we were both standing in a very windy hallway, half-drenched with rainwater.  
  
'Wanna go inside?' Okita-san offered, gesturing to the nearest door available. I nodded in agreement, and he opened the door and went inside. I followed him, and fortunately, the room had towels laid down on the floor (my brother was supposed to put them in the cabinets and he obviously neglected these particular ones), so we just helped ourselves to use of them.   
  
For a lengthy amount of time, we just stood stood there, staring at each other as we dried our hair with the towels. Noticeably, Okita-san's hair slightly dyed his towel a pale reddish brown, an apparent sign of blood. It had occured to me now that Okita-san really is the main killer, or cleaner of their company. Probably most of the bloodshed was left to him, and look at what a mess it has made of him. It was unfair, isn't it? They're making one man take everything on his shoulder and live with guilt forever as they always end up trying to keep their hands clean. And this one man, he would just be there to clean up the mess, to kill, to be alone, always.   
  
Just like me.  
  
Ever since our parents died, I've always been the one who had to take the stand. I have to be the one who moves, who works hard, who suffers. Not because I'm being forced by someone to do so, but because I have no other choice. Who's supposed to lay food on the table, if no one would work? Tetsu was still too young back then, and even if he were a little older, nobody would probably accept him because he looks like a kid. It was just me, and as much as possible, I try not to make Tetsu experience what I've been through. I wanted him to be happy, to do what he wants, and let me take care of everything else. Let him be the man he wants to be, and let me be the supporting dependable brother I'm supposed to be.  
  
But to me, killing is a different issue. What is done to Okita-san just frustrates me. If killing was a sin, why must only one man from a company commit a sin? For crying out loud, it's called a company because they're supposed to work together! It wouldn't be fair if someone, just one person, is sinning for everybody else. It wouldn't be fair if he alone would carry the burden just because nobody else wants to. It's not really a question of will, it's a question of duty. If it was the case of duty, then Okita-san is the only one fulfilling it in his company.  
  
And because of it, he suffers.  
  
'Tatsunosuke-san?' Okita-san asked, looking worriedly at me. His voice suddenly broke the silence, and it was just now that I've realized how incredibly close he was to my face, and how I could already feel his breath brushing against my lips.   
  
All of this, of course, took me with surprise.  
  
'What's wrong?' he went on, his face still close to mine. And then I realized. As I was thinking, my face might have suddenly twisted into anger that he got worried. It's a strange habit I have -- I could display whatever I'm thinking about in my face in huge, bold letters.   
  
It just seems that no matter how hard I try, I can't keep everything to myself. There's always one part that betrays me, and in this case, it was my face.  
  
'You look so...'  
  
I clenched my fist around the silk my kimono as I anticipated what he was supposed to say next. He had paused, worriedly considering his words. I'm expecting them to be harsh, or even violent, judging from the look on his face. I looked away from him. What'll the next word be? Violent? Bloodthirsty? ' he finished.  
  
Long silence.  
  
I don't know if I want to admire this guy for his choice of words or simply strangle him.  
  
But the statement helped to lighten me up. I smiled amusingly at him, and he smiled back at me. Yes, this was the Okita-san I knew -- he would always be there to cheer me up.  
  
I know that I've never mentioned this before, but I've always been attracted to Okita-san. I've always found him to be so beautiful, so endearing, yet so... hurt. It frustrates me to see him suffer like this, but what could I do? He meant so much to me, I wouldn't know what to do if he was taken away.  
  
I'm crazy, I know. Fortunately, he isn't as crazy as I am.  
  
I, for one, am deeply in love with him. It's insane, but it's true. So shoot me now, I wouldn't give a damn. I don't think it would affect him too much. For one, I don't think he knows about how I feel, or if he would care even if he knew. Who am I to him, anyway? I'm just one of the people circling around his crooked, miserable world, unable to touch him one way or another. It's not as if he'd suffer if I were gone. It's not as if it would matter to him. I'm happy for him, in a way. At least he's in his right state of mind, and needn't pointlessly suffer any more than what he's experiencing now, unlike me.  
  
/Very/ much unlike me, a deeply disturbed psycho brooding over his love for another man who could never really love him back.   
  
I actually wanted to tell him then, then and now that he's so close to me, about what I felt. But I didn't.  
  
I couldn't.  
  
It was too much for me. The rain has stopped now, and I stood up, making my way through the door. In silence. I can't say anything, there was just nothing to say, nothing to talk about. Heh... I really am a coward, am I? I can't kill people, I can't help him shoulder his burden (I can't even bear mine), I can't even tell him the truth. How pathetic could I get?  
  
'The rain has stopped.' I said blankly as I touched the screen door, meaning to open it. 'I ought to leave now, Okita-sa--'  
  
I was stopped short as a pair of arms encircled around my waist and a slim figure leaned his chest against my back. Suddenly, all the pain, all the misery that he has been experiencing shot through me, and I felt as if I wanted to collapse. Of joy, or of pain? Who knows? I spun around, and wrapped my arms around him in return, which obviously surprised him -- and me -- even more. And for moments that seemed to never end, we just stood there, in each other's arms, just holding each other tight and never letting go. I buried my face into his hair, and made an oath to him, silently, like what I've always been doing.  
  
Okita-san, I know that to you, I'll never be anybody else but a coward. But now I understand that you need me, to share your burden, to help you stay in this world. I know it's not much, but fool that I am, I would protect you. I can't kill, I can't fight, nor can I stand up for you if you need me, but for you, I would be strong. I would protect you from yourself, I would stand fast, always by your side if you need me. It's the only thing I could offer you, it's all I have. I could never change the fact that I couldn't fight for you, but I would fight with you. I know it's cowardly, but it's all I could do: I could be a coward for you, a coward who stands strong.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
did you guys notice that the fic's title has absolutely NOTHING to do with the fic itself? Heehee, you did? (fake shocked expression) Oh, I'm sorry. It's just that i felt the need to name the thing with a really catchy name but had nothing to do with it. If you're the type who really reads a fic because it has a great title, you've almost immediately noticed the lack of semblance. thank you, thank you, thank yooou to anyone who would review this, may you be blessed with lots of descendants and money!(what does this have to do with anything? I don't know, I just think it sounds funny. -)


End file.
